Surprisingly, many are feeling calm, healthy, even happy

Weeks are turning into months, yet many of us are still under shelter-in-place and lockdown orders. Physical distancing, unthinkable last year, is shaping into a new norm. These are strange and difficult times, but many of the people I talk to are surprised by how they’ve adapted; they sheepishly admit that amid the storm and collective suffering they’re feeling calm, healthy, even happy.

What’s the secret? We humans are very good at adaptation — our history and biology are testimony to that. The human brain is flexible and finds a way, but what’s true for our species doesn’t always apply to us as individuals — some of us are doing better than others.

Here are a few inspiring health lessons for these challenging times.

Between challenge and surrender

With so much uncertainty, what you can control is your attitude, says food blogger Denise Bustard. “The number one thing I’ve learned during quarantine is that I can’t control everything in my life. There are some curveballs that life throws at you that you can’t ‘fix’, and you just need to surrender and accept it, whether you feel positively or negatively towards the experience. I spent weeks in quarantine feeling miserable, anxious and like everything was out of my control. I read a book called The Surrender Experiment and decided to give it a try…and it totally changed my mindset! After surrendering to the fact that we were in quarantine, that it was out of my hands and that was OK, I felt so much at peace.”

Give yourself a break. “It’s natural to feel guilty about being unproductive with this new abundance of time,” says Jeff Cook from Spell Bound, “although, forcing yourself to be busy will just create more stress. Focusing on self-care, mindfulness and rest can abate the stress of the pandemic or even make you more productive in the long run.”

Manage expectations suggests clinician Jana Wu: “To keep my sanity, I use the concept that is often heard in 12 Step programming of ‘lower the bar’, to which I add, ‘where you can!’ I cannot lower the bar on my clinical work as a therapist, but I can shift my expectations of myself and my children during this time. As a full-time working mother, without childcare or school at this time, I have allowed myself to take a ‘do what I can, when I can’ attitude.”

Life should not be on hold, though. “The greatest obstacle to finding serenity in the current pandemic is the overwhelming distraction with when-will-it-end, as if we are holding our collective breath for the reprieve and re-emergence into our lives,” says Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Catherine Saxbe. “Strange as the current chapter may be, it is just as much a part of our story as any other chapter, not a time-out from the tale. What we do now, holed up in our homes, is the stuff of our lives, not a break from them. There will be a new normal, but there cannot be a back to normal, because that old normal is gone. Normal is dead! Long live normal! Embrace your reality with curiosity. You may come out of this with a new job, or no job, or fatter, or thinner, stronger, a juggler, a writer, a baker, a candlestick maker, but whatever the transformation, be the engaged progenitor of your metamorphosis. You are not a bug on a pin. Your life is as real and not on hold.”

Beating the quarantine 15 and setting fitness goals

Lockdowns can change the way we eat, and boredom, stress and stocked up high-calorie imperishables can lead to overeating. Likewise, exercise routines have been disrupted for most of us. Eating well and exercising, however, are more important than ever.

Quarantine challenges are popular for a reason. “I was really worried about what would happen to my routine and motivation when my gym (and all the others) closed, says Trusty Spotter’s Evan Porter. “I discovered after a few weeks of floundering around in my garage that the key to staying motivated to work out (for me) is having specific goals. When I’m just trying to check exercise off a list, I hate every second of it — but pursuing new home-based fitness goals like mastering the one-arm push up has gotten me more excited than ever. I’ll definitely remember this motivation hack when lockdown ends!” Andrew Yang, editor of a mental health newsletter, did a 100 pushup and 100 sit up challenge: “Having a mid-day workout helped me stay energized and broke up the monotony of the day. It also helped that I had a group of friends to hold me accountable. It was a great way to stay connected and kept me going on the days I really didn’t want to do the work out.”

Lack of space isn’t an excuse, according to Bliss from Balance blogger Michelle Bagnato: “Living in a one bedroom apartment in NYC I’ve learned you don’t necessarily need space in order to be healthy and stay positive. Opening windows, staying in touch with friends and family virtually, exercising through apps/online videos, cuddling with the dog, and cooking healthy meals are all key ways to stay healthy and sane in a small space. As a city, at 7PM every day there is a cheer for the medical heroes. It’s a feeling of camaraderie that even though we are all homebound in small spaces we are in this together.”

Neither is lack of equipment: Fitness coach and writer Carly James encourages us to use what we have to keep in shape: “If you have space to lie on your floor, you have space for a workout. If you have a solid chair or a stool, you have equipment for basic cardio. If you have canned food you have weights. If you have access to the Internet, you can find guided workouts. Basically, use what you have. The biggest tool in anyone’s arsenal and the difference between success and failure is determination.”

Self-discovery, quiet moments and unexpected resilience

Finding your inner introvert can be an unexpected discovery: “Turns out, I recharge my energy spending quality time by myself, and that’s okay. From now on I’m honoring that, not fighting it,” says TV/film actress and writer Jenny Stumme. Being locked down led to another transformation for Jenny, she un-learned redundant self-care routines: “Makeup and bras do not make the woman. Screw ‘em! I’m at my best when I’m comfortable in my own skin and moving freely. It was an epiphany of wholeness & ‘enough’-ness, accepting myself just as I am, to learn that I can be comfortable without societal norms,” she concludes.

Pessimists and those with dark moods can be surprisingly resilient and we can lean on them: “As someone who is fully out to his friends about my struggles with depression and anxiety, it’s been surprising to learn how many people honestly had no experience with those concepts before the Covid-19 shutdown. I’ve had a lot of calls with people describing classic anxiety or depression symptoms, punctuated with, Now I know how you feel!-followed by mutual laughter,” says author Bradley Spinelli. “If experience and training prepare the mind for adversity, those of us with a low baseline have been, relatively speaking, in pretty good moods. As a friend told me: Dark times call for dark friends.

On a planet of heightened gravity, those raised on heavier planets are walking on the moon,” Bradley concludes

Screens have been our saviors, but so has shutting them off and enjoying the quiet: “Intentional moments of silence have been my savior, whether that’s through a restorative yoga pose like Legs Up The Wall or eating a meal without my phone,” notes yoga teacher and therapist in training Caren Baginski. “These moments of quiet have helped ground and center me in a world that doesn’t quit being noisy, even during a quarantine.”

Please share your own wellness lessons from these extraordinary times in the comments bellow. I hope we emerge from this with a solemn commitment to take care of our personal and collective health and to treasure our connections more than ever.

Dr. Ayala